What Mothers Should and Should Not Sacrifice for Their Children? Reader Letters!

Many people believe that motherhood equals self-sacrifice. We conducted a survey to prove that this is not necessarily the case. We asked our regular readers with young children all over the world what their opinion is on maternal self-sacrifice and the extent to which it should be practiced. Where can the balance be found? What is their opinion on complete self-sacrifice?

What we filtered from the responses in general 😊

• Maternal self-sacrifice is not mandatory.
• Mothers also have the right to their own happiness and self-fulfillment.
• There is no single “right” answer to the question of what should and should not be sacrificed for our children.
• The key is to find our own way and live our motherhood in a way that brings happiness and fulfillment to all of us.

Some readers chose not to disclose their names, but were happy to share their opinions. In these cases, there will be no name. We apologize in advance!

In some cases, we have corrected mistakes and rewritten words for the sake of readability, but we have done so with the knowledge and consent of the sender of the letter. Of course, these did not alter the content of the letter in any way 😊

Readers’ letters

Linh, Vietnam – “In our culture, family cohesion is very important, so we often make greater sacrifices. However, I have learned from situations where I have taken on too much. I have learned that sometimes saying no is the greatest gift I can give myself and my child.”

“Hi, I’m Daniella from Italy! I believe that you can also have a life besides motherhood. Sometimes I do go out and take care of my appearance and I am also currently attending school because I would like to do something else with my life 😊 I have seen women who sacrifice everything and end up burning out. They are the martyr type who only revolve around their child and wouldn’t even wash their husband’s shirt because it’s not the child’s. I believe in balance. Of course, the child is the most important thing, but it’s not good for someone to sacrifice everything for them. After all, the child will only be balanced if his mother is.”

Chloe, France – “Instead of excessive self-sacrifice, I strive to teach my son independence. It is important for him to learn to deal with his own problems while knowing that he can always count on me for support.”

Julie, Sweden – “I’m exhausted by self-sacrificing mothers… 😅 I hope my own kids will never be like that. In my opinion, we can be loving, caring parents while also taking care of ourselves.”

Hello, greetings from New Zealand! I often think that maybe I give too much of myself to my children. I love them and do everything for them, but sometimes I feel like I need to take some time for myself too. Anyway, my days mostly revolve around my children and I love it, but I know that sometimes a little “me time” would do me good too. I’m single, so I’ll have some “me time” someday too 😊

Hi girls! Emily from the USA! Many people are obsessed with the idea that as a mother, every sacrifice we make is worth it. I think that’s bullshit. Of course, having a child turns our usual life upside down, but there’s no need to cry 😊 A lot depends on our partner too. I can only tell you my own story, but since we had our little girl, I’ve felt so much more comfortable in my own skin. My partner supports me, and although I have less time for myself, I don’t mind. We try to incorporate joint programs as well…

Hello! I often hear that as a mother I should give up my “old” self and make sacrifices, but I don’t believe in that. Just because I’m a mother, I’m still the same woman who loves beautiful things, enjoys pampering and stylish things. I am still my husband’s loving companion, my parents’ little girl, my sister’s sister and my girlfriends’ crazy companion. And yes, I’m still the one who chases my own dreams and fights for my own happiness.”

Many people don’t understand why the time I spend on myself is important to me, or why we still go on “secret dates like our first date” with my husband, go out partying with my girlfriends, or spend time with my parents. I can only be a devoted mother if I am balanced myself. If I’m exhausted and frustrated, it ruins the family atmosphere. That’s why it’s important to take time for myself, my loved ones, my hobbies and relaxation. I’m not striving to be a perfect mother, because I know I can make mistakes. But I do everything I can to take care of my family and myself to the best of my ability. We must believe that a balanced approach leads to a happy and fulfilling life.”

Greetings! For a long time I believed that the “mother is not a victim” principle is valid and that an unhappy mother raises an unhappy child. However, life took an unexpected turn. Due to a serious family illness, I had to give up my principles to take care of my loved ones. This put a huge burden on me, both physically and mentally. From this I learned that motherhood is not black and white. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for loved ones, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up our own identity and happiness. Let’s not judge hastily. I don’t think there’s a universal recipe for happy motherhood, everyone walks their own path and makes the best decisions for their loved ones and themselves. Neha, Delhi

Anita, from Hungary – “Hi, there was a point when I reconsidered things a bit. This was the point when I felt burned out. I’m a self-sacrificing type anyway, but I got into a pretty serious mental state, so I changed. And how right I was. I was yelling more and more at the kids until I realized it, and my mom also said I needed to do something. Believe me, it’s not good to get to this point. We are not machines, we cannot exploit ourselves endlessly.”

These few letters give just a taste of how mothers navigate between self-sacrifice and self-assertion. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe for happiness, as everyone takes a different path in motherhood. Family dynamics and our own lives are constantly changing, so finding balance is an eternal dance.

The good news is that we don’t have to fight this alone! We can learn from each other, be inspired by others’ stories, and encourage each other to find our own balance between love, sacrifice, and self-esteem.

Let’s not forget that we are mothers, but we are also people. We have the right to be happy and not just make sacrifices. If we ourselves are balanced and happy, then we can give much more to our children as well.

So come on, girls! Let’s find our own way and enjoy the wonders of motherhood!

4 signs that maternal sacrifices have crossed the line and you need help

The following signs can help you recognize when it is worth turning to a professional to deal with the challenges of motherhood. It is important to note that these signs do not diagnose mental illness on their own, but if they are present for a long time, it is recommended to seek help from a psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist. These professionals can support you in processing difficult feelings and developing effective coping strategies.

• Constant anxiety and depression: If you feel constantly anxious or depressed and no longer find joy in activities that used to make you happy, this could indicate a serious mental health problem.
• Inability to cope with daily tasks: It is a cause for concern if you find it difficult to cope with everyday tasks such as cooking, cleaning or childcare.
• Frequent outbursts of anger and aggression: If you regularly feel angry and have uncontrollable outbursts of anger, this may indicate that you are not able to manage your emotions effectively.
• Lack of self-care: If you neglect your own basic needs, such as getting too little sleep, eating unhealthily, or not exercising regularly, this can be a sign of mental exhaustion.

If any of these characteristics are a constant in your life, it is important to seek help in time. Working with a professional can help you regain your vitality and improve your quality of life.